People Who Order Complicated Things at Starbucks

starbucks 1Quite possibly one of my favorite places in the world to go is Starbucks.  I love the coffee, I love the pastries, I love the atmosphere…..I love it.  I love that I can grab a newspaper and sit there with my Frappuccino for 2 hours reading and nobody will bother me.  I love to watch the wannabe hipsters on their laptops that order 1 cup of regular coffee and suck down the free wifi for the rest of the day, they’re so pathetic sitting there spending “daddy’s” money so they can Skype their friend spending a year abroad in “whatever-stan.”  I don’t know why, but I love it.  Starbucks’ concept and idea has definitely taken me over and spit me out with my own travel mug and a t-shirt!

What annoys me about Starbucks is also something that I love about Starbucks….they allow you to order your coffee however you like it, so that the perfect cup of coffee is made especially for you.  This is great for me, who orders non-fat milk and 2 shots of vanilla or cinnamon syrup in his Americano, or a shot of peppermint syrup in my java chip Frappuccino (so amazing!).  This “act of kindness and good business sense” becomes incessantly annoying when you get the person in line who abuses the system.  This is the person who purposely complicates his/her order to the point where the 19 people behind him/her in the queue are wondering if he/she will even be able to tell if their order is right, and they all want to drown that person in the giant urn of coffee behind the counter.

starbucks 2These complicated orderers are the ones who order the “double iced latte with one shot of de-caf and one shot of regular with non-fat soy milk (filled only 3/4 of the way), 3 squirts of hazelnut, one squirt of caramel, extra foam and a drizzle of chocolate,” or a “venti non-fat chocolate chip crème Frappuccino with 2 squirts of cinnamon before blending, filled half-way with ice in the blender, topped with whipped cream and drizzles of caramel and chocolate.”  These people make life for the rest of us miserable.  We have to wait there behind them while the baristas listen to them order 3 or 4 times before they finally understand what the person wants.  The complicated orderer is also someone who really can’t tell the difference if one little part of their order is messed up.  Can people really tell the difference if they get a half-caffeinated or a regular coffee?!?  Do these people have nothing better to do each day than to dream up these ways to trip up the Starbucks baristas?!  To the credit of the baristas, I have never seen one get tripped up by a complicated order.  Of course, there have been complicated orderers that have turned around after their order is finished and said “this isn’t correct, please do it again.”  It’s at that point that you want to take that coffee and pour it over the head of the person who ordered it and say “get the hell out and don’t ever come back!”  But, the Starbucks employees just dump it down the sink and start over.  I don’t think I’d be able to work in food service at Starbucks….I couldn’t deal with the morons who have to make things complicated….just give me my non-fat Americano and I’ll be out of here, thanks!


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