The Errant Hair

Have you ever looked down at your food in a restaurant and found a hair?  Or, have you ever looked at a paper you were writing on and seen a random hair?  Or, have you ever gotten into bed and looked down at your pillow to see “the errant hair?”

Errant hairs are everywhere.  It’s the nature of hairs to fall out at inopportune moments when you’re trying to keep everything neat and tidy.  I can tell you, there are too many hairs to count on my bathroom floor because I am losing my hair (both head and body), and when I towel off, I knock some to the floor.  I am an inherently hairy man, so it’s safe to say that a lot of the errant hairs I find in my food or on my papers are mine.  But there’s no way to be certain.  I think it makes me feel better to think that they’re mine and not some sweaty chef from the kitchen.  I don’t even want to think about the people in the kitchen that are making my food let alone have a piece of them in my soup!

The errant hair appears when it’s the most inconvenient.  I often spot the errant hair on papers when I’m showing something to someone and we’re both looking at the paper.  Usually I try to speak a little louder so the wind from my breath might blow it off the paper, unnoticed.  That usually doesn’t work.  Hairs often appear in dishes I’ve prepared because they are falling off my head and body at an alarming rate.  These hairs that end up in the food, unfortunately, don’t end up in my dish.  Then I’m embarrassed because I just served a hair with a meal around it.

It’s when I can’t blame the errant hair on myself that I get more annoyed and skeeved out.  When a hair randomly appears on or near my person, and it wasn’t created by me, I think “where the hell did that come from?”  Then I search the immediate vicinity to try to determine who’s hair it could possibly be….I’m never able to discover the culprit, but I have thrown away lots of food and drinks because of hairs whose origin I couldn’t determine.  What the hell are these people doing?  And why have their hairs ended up in my food or on my clothes?


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